Fly & Flourish

To grieve someone who is still alive is another level of sadness and pain. A sadness I never thought would be this hard to deal with. To find yourself crying in the middle of your work day or finding yourself waking up in the middle of the night hyperventilating. It’s a type of grieving that doesn’t seem real. I have grieved loved ones before and yes it was hard. Knowing that your love ones is no longer living and you have to go through the process of grieving and acceptance that you will never see them again.

But how do I grieve someone who is still Alive? How do you grieve a future that is no longer on your path? How do you grieve the person you once knew? How do I grieve losing my best friend? and how do I grieve the person that I was when I was with him?

It seems overwhelming, which it is. It’s like I’m drowning with all these pain, heartache and chaos in my mind and I don’t know how to save myself. Where do I even start? How do I even start. So many unanswered questions and I can’t seem to even get a hold of my own emotions. I cry and cry and cry, the heaviness on chest is unreal. It plays in my mind of the happy times, the times when we were so in love, the laughter, the jokes, the movies nights, the yapping. I think about everything and all of it is just all gone. Two people who were once so in love has become just strangers once more. What a tragic story that his life had gifted us.

How do you even move forward when you know he’s still there but no longer in each other’s lives. How do you move forward when you are still in love with that person? How did we end up like this?